Who the #*%& is Carson Daily?

Ok, before I start, I do know who Carson Daily is, but what the hell is he good for? He's like the Paris Hilton of Late Night TV; good at absolutely nothing and somehow still famous enough that other celebrities will interact with him on the idiot box at one in the morning. Now I know what you're thinking. You want to say, "Jeff, why are you giving your energy to this? Why are you even awake and watching TV at one in the morning and why would you choose to watch this assclown in the first place?" To you I answer, "Insomnia, no cable, he's on after Conan, and I have no life." But honestly this isn't about me. This is about this man, this: I wish I was famous, "Hey ma I'm on TV," I don't sing, I don't act, I'm not smart, I'm not funny, and I make a living off of joking on people with more talent in their nose hair than I have in my whole body (jokes that I didn't even write myself, mind you). I mean seriously, I want to send this poor man a sweet motherly telegram every day; just some nurturing woman who will tell him he's cool and that he can stop trying so hard. It's bad. If you're ever up too late and don't feel like watching--you know--something good, check this guy out. If you can make it through the full half-hour without cringing, either he blew his paycheck on a funny writer for that night alone, or you should go ahead and drink that whole bottle of NyQuil before you fall asleep. The whole show goes something like this: "Hey guys, you know, I was hanging out with Who Really Gives A Shit this past weekend at a party and I was going to get a ride home with him, but he was too high on coke." (Canned laughter) "You know, cause Bobby Brown does cocaine..." (explaining the bad joke that no one laughed at as though the problem was we just didn't get it). I've been thinking about this (don't ask me why) and here's my analysis. Carson is like the really nice hot guy from your high school. He doesn't really have it in him to be mean-spirited (like your typical blue-collar comedian), and he wasn't ridiculed enough to have to become funny (like Conan), and he isn't smart enough to have a dry sense of humor (like Stewart or Colbert), so he's just in this sort of--I'm nice and good lookin' and very non-confrontational kind of--no-man's land of entertainment. He'd make a better shoe salesman. Anyway, I just had to get this out in the clear in case someone was reading my blog and thinking, I wonder what Jeff thinks about Carson Daily. So, there it is. Now you know. He's a douche bag.